Jack’s Words of Wisdom

Have you picked up author, Jack Torrance’s new book yet? You got a BIG surprise coming to you! Here’s a little excerpt from his new bestseller! Words of wisdom, you could say.

There’s nothing he’d look forward to with greater pleasure, than you reading his long awaited novel he worked so hard on. Pick it up. It’s not going to kill you.

You got a BIG surprise coming to you!

— Jack Torrance

The Shining Face of Madness

That tormented gaze leering into space. Menacing eyes reflecting the horror that resides inside the Overlook Hotel’s fear-stained walls.


This was supposed to be just what Jack needed to finally be able author that book he’s been wanting to write to launch his career. Instead, it spelled his spiraling doom. Evident in the pages of madness he did manage to write. Pages and pages filled with just one repeating line. —

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!”

— Jack Torrance


You Done Messed Up Ay-ay-ron!


Ay-ay-ron? No Ay-ay-ron, huh? You better be sick, dead or wearing this shirt, Ay-ay-ron! Mr Garvey, the substitute is taking roll and he’s in no mood to play with insubordinate and churlish kids. Ba-la-kay and Dee-nice have already tested his patience. Don’t even think about messing with him. If you’re feelin’ this Aaron’s Rental mashup design, you should order quickly before Mr. Garvey sends you down to Oh-Shag-Hennessy’s office!

Griswold’s Exterior Illumination



His dad taught him everything he knows about exterior illumination. “Check every bulb!” is his motto. If you need your house lit up like the Christmas Star…or the light on the sewage treatment plant, then Clark’s your man. Griswold’s uses nothing but the finest imported Italian twinkle lights. You’ll be the envy of the neighborhood! Trust the best. Trust Griswold’s!