Have you picked up author, Jack Torrance’s new book yet? You got a BIG surprise coming to you! Here’s a little excerpt from his new bestseller! Words of wisdom, you could say.
There’s nothing he’d look forward to with greater pleasure, than you reading his long awaited novel he worked so hard on. Pick it up. It’s not going to kill you.
You got a BIG surprise coming to you!
— Jack Torrance
That tormented gaze leering into space. Menacing eyes reflecting the horror that resides inside the Overlook Hotel’s fear-stained walls.
This was supposed to be just what Jack needed to finally be able author that book he’s been wanting to write to launch his career. Instead, it spelled his spiraling doom. Evident in the pages of madness he did manage to write. Pages and pages filled with just one repeating line. —
“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!”
— Jack Torrance
Ay-ay-ron? No Ay-ay-ron, huh? You better be sick, dead or wearing this shirt, Ay-ay-ron! Mr Garvey, the substitute is taking roll and he’s in no mood to play with insubordinate and churlish kids. Ba-la-kay and Dee-nice have already tested his patience. Don’t even think about messing with him. If you’re feelin’ this Aaron’s Rental mashup design, you should order quickly before Mr. Garvey sends you down to Oh-Shag-Hennessy’s office!
Have you checked your shitters lately? They might be full. Lucky the sewer is close by. You can just #emptythechemicaltoilet in there. How convenient!
Clark’s a hospitable guy. He’s taking the surprise arrival of Ellen’s relatives in stride. But he’s only human. And Eddie would test the patience of even the best of people. So he can’t help it if he lets slide a little quip here in there at the expense of him. It’s all in good fun. Now, let’s have some eggnog!
How’s your production numbers? You don’t want to be a lousy toymaker and disappoint the head elf…or Santa himself. Don’t be a Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins. These etch-a-sketches aren’t going to build themselves. After all, you really don’t want to be on jack-in-the-box duty.
Buddy has the entire day planned with his dad. Channeling his inner elf, his to-do list is chock-full with fun, father and son activities! He’s got the agenda spelled out on his etch a sketch…snow angels, ice skating, cookie dough, and snuggling…great bond-building amusement!
His dad taught him everything he knows about exterior illumination. “Check every bulb!” is his motto. If you need your house lit up like the Christmas Star…or the light on the sewage treatment plant, then Clark’s your man. Griswold’s uses nothing but the finest imported Italian twinkle lights. You’ll be the envy of the neighborhood! Trust the best. Trust Griswold’s!
You’re doomed! You’re all Dooooomed! Better listen to the guy. Ralph might be a little crazy but he’s right about “Camp Blood!” Ever since a little boy drowned there, Crystal Lake has had a death curse! Anyone who dares stay there is “Dooooomed!”
Is that Ice Ice Baby I hear? I hope you like to kick it because Prestige Worldwide, the first word in entertainment, is here with their first music act, Huff & Doback. Rock your next wine mixer “to the extreme” with these sweet threads!
Salty Cult Tees 